Missionary Flirting

I had my first experience with Mormon missionaries on Friday. The Mother and maid of honor arrived at the church before Bobby and I. They were calling us because the missionaries were standing out front, and couldn't come in until Bobby got there. I didn't really understand, but missionaries are not allowed in the company of the opposite sex without a chaperon present.

Shortly after we arrive, Mother and Maid of Honor left. I was working on the wedding cake and the missionaries were decorating the room where the wedding would be held. As I was decorating the cake, one of the missionaries told me that the flowers I made looked like bird poop. Then as I worked on the cake, the other missionary told me that it was crooked. My cake was perfect, for the record. I got so fed up with the missionaries and their crap that I told Bobby to take me out to the store because I didn't want to be around them.

So my first impression of them was not very good. I told the Maid of Honor who had a crush on the bird poop missionary, and her reasoning was that they don't know how to talk to girls, and they were probably just flirting. Missionary flirting, awkward and inappropriate.

Even though Bobby and I didn't like them, Mother decided to have them over for dinner, especially since Maid of Honor had a crush. Before they arrived, I helped them clean up the house, and assured Maid that her outfit was cute, but not like she was trying to hard. She was nervous, because she was going to "missionary flirt" with bird poop boy. She went on to explain that missionary flirting is more like talking about the scripture, and small talk. Kind of like the missionary position, not very exciting.

During dinner, one them asked Bobby's niece if she had ever been "beaten senseless." Bobby restrained himself the best he could, I pulled him away for a smoke so he could cool off before he beat someone senseless. After we came back, we (by I which I mean, I hid in the distance and took pictures) but the Christmas tree together and began to decorate. The missionaries played with the dogs and cats, one said that the floor would be perfect to play spin the cat. Bobby assured him that if he did, Bobby would play "spin the chamber," referring to his revolver, of course. Then, one of the geniuses decided to show Niece "the right way to hold a cat," at which point he held the cat by the throat and told her to hold it like that and shake it around.

Finally, Mother, who had been going through the whole evening looking through rose colored glasses, stepped in. She's a small woman, about 5 feet tall and pear shaped. She got as close as she could to the 6 foot something missionaries face and told him that if he wanted to disrespect her home, or her animals that he could leave. Maid of honor didn't seem to mind, this to her, seemed like missionary flirting... I'm not sure how.

After they finally left, Bobby apologized because he thought it was unfortunate that my first impression of missionaries were those douche bags. It was interesting to say the least. The excuses that Mother and Maid came up with to why they behaved that way was also rather interesting...

They aren't around people a lot..

......That's what they do, they talk to people, that's the point of the mission

They're just playing around..

......What kind of person, of any age asks a four year old if she's ever been beaten senseless?

They're just kidding around..

......So it's cool to say those kind of things, or insult something I've been working really hard on, for free might I add.

I think the best part of this is, that mormon girls LOVE, LOVE, LOVE missionaries. I think they love the fact that the missionaries support the "mormon way" of dating/marriage (as per a discussion with one of the missionaries). Date three months, propose, engaged three months, married. You know a person six months and then your hitched. Since most women are crazy (I speak from experience), they can probably hide they're crazy just long enough to trap them, before the boys know what they're getting into.

And now for some missionaries who have returned from their missions, and pose for the "man on a mission" calander, real live mormons...it almost makes me understand the attraction...