Free Time

I am still waiting for my textbooks to come in the mail, so I have very little to do in the 5.5 hours of free time I will have between classes today. Currently I'm updating my grade tracking system, mostly just to do something school related. None of my teachers have posted any information online yet so I have very little that I can do. I want to make sure that I keep on top of everything this term so that I don't get to crazy when finals roll around. Right now I'm just bored and don't have much to say, but I don't want to stand outside and chain smoke, because I'm trying to cut back on that. Hopefully I'll find something interesting to do/talk about. Well I guess I'm going to sit and watch True Blood to try and kill some time.

New Happenings

Finals ended on Friday, they did not go as well as I hoped. With all of things that have changed in my personal life, it has affected my ability to perform at my full potential. I managed to get some decent grades, but overall my grades were not terrible, but the grades were not up to my standards. My week consisted of a celebratory pool party, followed by two days of sleeping, then two days of being sick. The rest of the week was a little bit of going out with friends, and a little bit of working.

I've been doing really well, and I've been really happy. I got my motorcycle permit on Saturday, I got a perfect score on the test! I did not get to go rock climbing, but that is just something I will have to plan for this weekend. I know I'm going to get more of the stuff done that I want to, it's just going to happen a little bit more slowly now that I'm back in school.

I changed my background because I feel like it's happy and represent my personality, and I want a happier outlook, and part of that was getting rid of my angry black background. I've made a lot of progress, I've started to hang out with some new people and get some new stuff done. I've been keeping myself pretty busy, which is always good. Plus, now that I have a new term started at school, and I have my personal life under control I can actually keep a good grasp on that, while still enjoying my personal life, and reaching all of my goals.

Time really flies by when you're doing things you love, and making and reaching goals every day. I think I'm doing a thousand times better than I have been in a really long time. I'm really taking care of myself, and I never realized how important that is. Well I have to run and find my next class! I hope everyone is having a great day!

PS-I lost another 8 Pounds!!
16 pounds in 5 weeks and counting!

Up and Down

I've been feeling pretty weird lately, just trying to focus on my school work and get stuff done. The term is almost over and I have so much to do! I'm just in the midst of a break at school, mostly because my first professor didn't show up to class. I have to try and get myself back together. Since I've been so depressed and stressed, I've been having a hard time sleeping because of the stress, but I'm tired all the time because of the depression. I'd say in the last three or so weeks I've missed more classes than I ever did my entire time at the culinary plus my entire time at drexel so far. Ugh, just another day.

Act like Your Heartbroken

Boy, she don't need you and she don't need me
She can do just fine on her own two feet
But she wants a man who wants her to be herself
And she'll never change, don't know how to hide
Her stubborn will or her fightin' side
But you treat her right and she'll love you like no one else
Yeah, how 'bout them cowgirls
Boys ain't they somethin'
Sure are some proud girls
But you can't beat their lovin'
And I'll tell you right now girls
May just be seven wonders of this big, whole round world
But how 'bout them cowgirls
How 'bout 'em boys

So all things considered, I'm going okay. I get depressed, obviously. It's starting to get ugly. Bobby and I were fighting on Sunday, he's trying to threaten me, and that simply isn't going to happen.

He actually said to me, "Don't even pretend like you're heart broken." I was dumb founded. He is basing my mental stability on my status on facebook. Then he told me to not blame Jenn because she didn't do anything. I kindly told him that I can hate whomever I wish, and that he should be ashamed of himself.

I have a feeling this is going to get much worse before it gets better. Considering this isn't a regular "break-up." I'm glad I got most of my stuff out of his apartment. We still have to sort out everything with the lizards, and the TV.

I think the hardest part is knowing that he has been lying to me for months. That I can no longer believe a word he says because he's lied about everything. Then, to rub salt in the wound, he brought another woman into our bed without even giving me a hint that there was a problem. She was moved in before we even broke up. When he begged me to take him back all her stuff was still at the apartment, and she was probably just busy that night.

This sucks...

Over Over Over...

It's really really over now, I'm going to get my stuff this weekend, we'll have to see how that goes. He promised he would be there. I really don't want to deal with it, I don't even want to do it. I'm going to have to, because that is the only way I can get past it, but I will be miserable about it until this whole mess has past...

I think every day it becomes more apparent how little he cares about me. He loved me..once. Then yesterday I realized that I am in fact losing more than just bobby. I'm losing Tammy, Jessie, Megean, and especially Aiden. That is what actually made me cry. I know Bobby is a cheater, and I'll meet another guy. A lot of people have been suprised that I can even get out of bed, nonetheless be so calm about the whole thing. Sitting in my car yesterday is really when it finally came crashing down on me, what was really going on...

Depressed

Bobby is cheating on me. I'm miserable, beyond all description. Sometimes I'm fine, and then there are times like now, where I want to do nothing more than lay in bed and cry. I'm failing all my classes, I'm failing at life. Everything is ruined, and I can't seem to pick up the pieces.

Strange

I laid there feeling sorry for myself
In a bed of kleenex
Stuffin chocolates in my mouth
On the phone with my best friend cussin my ex
He broke my heart
Felt like the world had ended
I cried myself to sleep
Thinkin I cant get over him
Strange
Talk about luck I woke up
And the sun was shining
Strange
I oughta be in bed with my head
In the pillow cryin over us
But I aint, ain't love strange
Got half a mind to spend my whole paycheck
On one of those dresses
Those strapless black ones
That are famous for teaching lessons
Dropped by his place
Picked up the rest of my things
He'll tell me I look good
I'll laugh and say yeah isn't time
Strange
Talk about luck I woke up
And the sun was shining
Strange
I oughta be in bed with my head
In the pillow crying over us
But I ain't, ain't love strange
Strange
Strange
Talk about luck I woke up
And the sun was shining
Strange
I oughta be in the bed with my head
In the pillow crying over us
But I ain't, ain't love strange
Strange
Talk about luck I woke up
And the sun was shining
Strange
Strange
Strange