My New Shrink

So I went to see my new shrink yesterday. He is the same shrink who worked with my brother when he was a teenager, and is currently working with my brother. I have had more shrinks than I can remember, and I can honestly say I think this is the best shrink that I have ever seen. Most of them just sit there and everytime you say something they ask, "and how does that make you feel?" and that makes me feel pissed off. I hate when they do that. This guy doesn't do that. He listens, and waits for me to tell me things, and if while I'm talking a reach a point where I just have nothing else to say, he'll ask me a question, but not the standard question, and actual question about what I've been saying. It shows he's actually listening.

I also like the fact that he already knows my family. He knows my dad is abusive and insane, and that both of my brothers are mean and self centered, and that my mom is passive and dismissive. It makes a big difference, because I don't have to waste my time explaining the level of crazy that I deal with on a regular basis.

I also really think that this time, this is going to work. Not just because he's a good shrink, but because I want this more than I have ever wanted it before. Not only that, he gives feedback, and I think that between my trying and his skill, we might be able to break the cycle of abuse that I put up with and have come to accept as an every day part of life.

Rages

My mom has said for years that I have "rages." I'm an angry person, and quick to jump to violence so solve my problems. Growing up in my house violence was just an accepted part of life. My brothers and I learned how to box when we were young, so fights just became more violent. I have broken a variety of things in fights with my older brother...kitchen chairs, eggs, computer keyboards, phones...and that's only stuff that actually broke while we fought.

I have often been able to control myself from getting physical with a person, in clubs and bars years ago, I never had to fight anyone because for some reason people found me intimidating. I have hit 6 foot something guys in clubs. A few weeks ago, I grabbed some guy by the throat in a bar for fucking with Jil. Every time something makes me angry my immediate solution is to beat the crap out of someone.

I have known for a long time that I need something to do about this. My mom has been saying it for years, and I have known it for a long time. So I have an idea...

I called my dad..

Dad, so, I've decided..here is what I need you to do..

Okay..what?

So I need you to find somewhere for me to box at. I mean, not just a gym full of little kids, I need to get in fights and need to get hit.

Are you sure you don't want to be someone else's kid?

What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Nothing..nevermind...consider it done.

So my goal, is that I'll be able to control myself, because when I get hit in a fight, I'm gonna be angry, and fighting regularly will help me to control that angry. That, and I think that I will good to get my ass kicked. It's weird, but I think that it would help. Anyone wanna box with me?