Prayer and Strength

Bobby has told me that he needs time to think about our relationship. He says he isn't happy and hasn't been happy for a long time. He never acted unhappy because I was happy, and he didn't want to make me unhappy. He tells me it's not my fault and that he's sorry. He tells me that his unhappiness doesn't have to do with me. If that's the case, I don't see how leaving me will make it better.

Before going to bed last night, I said an Our Father, and prayed for the strength to get through this trying time. I asked that if it was His will, to bring Bobby back to me.

I'm so sad, I could barely stop crying. I could barely breath I was so hysterical. During the night he had texted me, and I told him that I loved him and that all I want is him to be happy. He asked me, "Ya well what if in the end us being apart will make me happy? What then? I'm not saying it will but what if?" I told him that I would have to come to terms with it. That it's so hard because just last week we were talking about wedding rings. That I don't think I would ever find someone I love as much.

So now, I'm just prayer for the strength to be strong, and be supportive of the man I love. Regardless of what happens.

I just can't help but think of all our talks about moving away together. We narrowed it down to southern california, kentucky, and pretty much anywhere in the south. We talked about having kids. The amount and genders always changed, but mostly boys and about four, give or take. He wanted to be a stay at home dad, he doesn't want strangers raising his kids. We would talk about different things we would do for them, and discipline, and manners. We would even talk about growing old together, and sitting on the front porch somewhere. Every time we would see an old couple he would tell me that's what we would be like when we got old.

Now, all I can do is pray, and know somehow this will all work out.